I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
