Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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