Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
