You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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