My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Four minutes until I can fart!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
