I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize