I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize