I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
