im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
