I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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