Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
