I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
