You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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