The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
