Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
