Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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