the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
