all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
