Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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