I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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