I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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