Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
