he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
