I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
