So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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