dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
