I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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