like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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