I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
