in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
