how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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