something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
there is glitter all over my balls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
