i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize