that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
