Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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