Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
