The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
