you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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