I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
