I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
