: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
