His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
