We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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