You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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