So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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