so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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