we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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