he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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