u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A+ Viking dick
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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