i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
