Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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