He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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