Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
