took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize