Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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