dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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