What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Someone stole a lamp last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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