he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Alive.
So much puke
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
