We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
