I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
