my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
