We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
