I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
