You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I will die if light touches me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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