dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
