I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
