He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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