The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
