Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
