how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
