You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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