Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
