He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
